Fear and Love
by PandorasHollow
Summary: JJ Lorelai messing up things between her and Luke OneChapter


**Spoilers:** If the term "complication guy" is unknown to you then don't read this story.  
No other spoilers. It's set after RR, Luke and Lorelai are a couple  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the characters that are mentioned in this story.  
"Fear and Love" is a song by Morcheeba which I (of course) don't own either.  
**AN:** Please RR

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_We can live in fear  
Extend our selves to love  
We can fall below  
Or lift our selves above  
Fear can stop you loving  
Love can stop your fear  
  
''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''_

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"_How could everything go so wrong?"_ – Lorelai asked herself for the hundredth time that night. She was sitting outside on her porch, a coffee mug in her hands and a sad look upon her face.

She couldn't believe that she had messed up things so badly, that she had hurt Luke.

But why? Why did she do it? Everything between them was so great.

Lorelai never enjoyed dating but with Luke it was different. And she loved it. That difference that she loved so much in Luke became too present in their relationship and in the end it made Lorelai freak out.

One night after a Mel Brooks movie marathon they fell asleep on her couch.  
Early the next morning she woke up and felt him standing over her. Just as she wanted to open her eyes she felt his lips on her forehead and then he whispered those words she only said when pointed at her daughter..._'I love you'_

His whisper so soft that for a slight moment she wondered if he had spoken them at all. Maybe she was dreaming? Just then he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and the jolt of electricity that ran through her body when Luke touched her, told her that she wasn't dreaming. 'Cause nothing could ever feel that amazing in a dream.

Luke left to open the diner and Lorelai finally opened her eyes but was still afraid to move. Why she couldn't tell.

After a while the silence in the house became too loud to bear and she stood up. Her mind was working so fast that she couldn't even understand herself. There are some things that happened that morning that she still couldn't remember. She knew that she made coffee but she didn' remember drinking it. Maybe she didn't? Maybe the coffee pot was almost empty because she didn't fill it with enough water? But why did she have an empty mug in her hands? Confusion didn't even start to describe how she felt then. Should she go to the diner? Should she walk up to him and tell him that she heard what he had said? Did he know that she was awake when he said those three life changing words? Question after question ran through her mind but no answers followed them.

That day she didn't go to the diner. He called her and she told him that she was busy. They talked for a while, he asked her if she was okay because she failed to answer two of his questions. She assured him and told him that she was only busy and tired. Luke accepted it and as they hung up she stared for long at the phone like it was magical and could conjure up all the answers that haunted her since five o'clock that morning.

Deciding that staring at the phone was no help Lorelai got up knowing if she wanted the confusion gone she needed to talk with Luke. As she walked out of her small office, that was the moment when everything became even worse. There in the lobby of the Dragonfly Inn he stood looking around him until his eyes fell on her.

"Christopher?" – She said surprised.

"Lor." – He walked over to her and gave her a hug.

"Chris, what are you doing here?" – Lorelai asked him when they pulled away.

"I'm on a business trip in Hartford and thought I should come here and see how my girls are doing."

"Oh, it's nice to see you again. I'm doing great and Rory's too. Well, that's what she said when we talked last night."

"Good. Is she home?"

"If you mean Rome as in home, than yes."

"Rome?" – Christopher asked a bit confused.

"Rory is in Europe with my mother."

"What?"

"Oh, you didn't know? Didn't Rory call you?"

"Apparently not."

"I'm sure she just forgot in all the hectic. Emily's offer was very sudden. Come sit down." – Lorelai led him to the sofa and they sat down. They chatted for a while. Chris complimenting her on the inn, she asked him about Sherry and Georgia. He showed her some pics of Gigi and then he left. But over the next two weeks he came to the inn almost every day and Lorelai started to spend more time with him than with Luke. At first Luke took it calmly. After all he trusted her but when he overheard Ms. Patty telling Babette that Chris and Sherry have separated he just couldn't ignore it anymore. Chris was the source of their first fight as a couple. '_But that fight was nothing compared to the fight they had only a few hours ago._' Lorelai thought sadly as she recalled her day.

* * *

The morning started bad enough. Michel was sick and she had to do all the work alone. She couldn't get hold of Rory and the thing with Luke was giving her headache. That she hadn't slept well for days only made her feel more miserable. Around 7 pm Lorelai was so tired that she could barely keep her eyes open. Christopher who was staying for two days at the inn came down the stairs. He noticed how tired she was and convinced her that it wouldn't be good for her to drive a car. He'd drive her home. Lorelai didn't have the strength to fight him and accepted his offer. They ended up on her couch, each of them with a cup of coffee in front of them. Lorelai was sitting on one end of the couch and Chris on the other. One moment they were watching a re-run of _MASH_ and the next moment Christopher was standing next to the couch and telling her that Luke was just there and....Lorelai didn't hear the rest of it for she was suddenly wide awake and already up and running after Luke. 

"Luke, Luke!" – She called after him. He stopped and turned to face her. "Why did you leave? Why didn't you come in?" – She asked him when they stood across each other.

"I didn't want to disturbe you two." – Luke said, anger evident in his voice.

"Oh, no Luke. Whatever your're thinking it's not that way."

"Then what way is it Lorelai?"

"I had an awful day and he drove me home, we had a cup of coffee and I fell asleep on the couch. I swear Luke nothing happened. You have to believe me." – Lorelai desperately tried to convince him. It was after all the truth.

"I believe you and I trust you. Although you don't make it easy for me to do so. I believe when you say that nothing has happened but that doesn't mean that you don't want something to happen."

"Oh, Luke...no...no..."

"What?" – He said a bit too loud. Lorelai was glad that Babette and Morey weren't home to witness this exchange between her and Luke.

"What do you expect me to think? You barely speak to me and we don't see each other anymore. I don't remember the last time we spent fifteen minutes in the same room. Our last encounter ended in a fight. A fight about him! You are distant and you avoid me..."

"I don't avoid you!"

"Then what is it that you do? What?" – Lorelai found herself unable to give him an answer. Luke looked at her expectantly but when he didn't receive a reply he sighed and Lorelai could see resignation in his eyes.

"You know what? Do what you want." – He said angrily before he turned and continued walking back home. Then for the second time that night he turned to face her again. "Actually, I don't want you to do what you want. I want you to make a decision. You either want to be with me or you don't, but decide finally and let me know soon so I can continue to live my life." – With that Luke walked away. Even after he had left Lorelai still stood on the lawn and was staring at the spot Luke had occupied minutes before. Slowly she walked back into the house passing Christopher on the porch. Chris seemed not to find any words to say to her, so he just squeezed her shoulder when she passed him by. Lorelai walked into the living room and picked up her cup which she took into the kitchen. Chris followed her silently. As she poured herself another cup of coffee she spoke for the first time. Her throat felt hoarse as if she hadn't used her voice in months. Lorelai told Chris to go back to the inn. He didn't want to leave her alone but Lorelai insisted he goes. There was nothing he could do anyway. He reluctantly left and Lorelai promised that she will talk to him tomorrow.

* * *

After Chris left Lorelai walked outside on the porch and sat down on the swing with a cup of fresh coffee. That's where she was now. The cup of coffee untouched and already cold. She put the cup down on the floor and put instead her head in her hands. 

When her head started to feel too heavy she sat up straight and then ran into her house. She grabbed her shoes and her keys and began to walk towards the town square. It was past midnight but she didn't care. Lorelai needed to talk to Luke. She should have done that weeks ago. It would have saved them a lot of pain. She was determined to stop all the hurting she caused, to stop sabotaging their relationship.  
Lorelai walked to the diner and knocked on the door. She knocked repeatedly until she saw him emerge behind the curtain. He was clad in a t-shirt and his favorite sweat pants. He stopped for a moment when he recognized her outside. They shared a look and then he walked over and opened the door.

"Hey." – Lorelai said silently. "Can I come in?" – He just stepped aside and she walked into the diner.

"We need to talk." – She said when they finally stood face to face. Luke crossed his arms across his chest.

"Fine. Talk." – He said coldly.

"First of all I admit that I have been distant over the last three weeks but not for the reason you believe. It wasn't because of Chrisopher. Nothing of this has to do with him...I was afraid." – She admitted. Luke looked a bit surprised at her confession.

"Afraid of what?"

"Us."

"Why?"

"Do you remember the night we spent at my house watching Mel Brooks movies?"

"Yes."

"We fell asleep on the couch and in the morning before you left....I don't know if you were aware or not...but I was awake....and then you said something....something that put me on cloud nine but also scared the hell out of me at the same time."

"Oh, Lorelai..." – Luke's face softened as it dawned on him what she was talking about. "You heard it? Why didn't you say something? I knew it was too soon to tell you. That's the reason I said it to you while you were asleep. At least I thought you were then. I shouldn't have told you."

"Why not? Didn't you mean it?" – Luke noticed that he had somehow moved closer to her, 'cause his hands were holding her arms. Lorelai was looking up her beautiful blue eyes staring at him.

"I meant what I said." – Luke told her and Lorelai smiled. It was probably the first real smile that graced her lips since that day.

"Why didn't you come to me? We could have talked about it."

"That would have been less complicated, right? But when didn't I like to complicate things?" – Lorelai said sarcastically.

"When this is the only reason, that you were afraid, how does Christopher then fit into all of this?"

"He was just there. He came surprisingly that same day and he was a good excuse not to deal with my feelings. After all it's easier to run away than to stand still and face the fear. Luke, I'm so sorry." – Lorelai said and rested her head on his left shoulder. His right hand went automatically into her hair. "I never meant to hurt you. That morning after you left I felt so happy but also so scared. Millions of thoughts ran through my mind. I was so mixed up that day that I still don't remember half of it." – Luke laughed a little at that.

"Why were you so scared?"

"I once told Rory that it's scary to be in love but that it's also wonderful and special and if she can't say it or fully express it then she'd never gonna be able to experience it. Suddenly I was in that situation where I was too scared to express it myself. 'Cause never did a relationship feel more right. I never felt so much for another man. Never felt all these feeling so strong. They overwhelmed me and that's all it took to freak me out. I'm really sorry that I've hurt you. Can you forgive me? I'd understand if you hate me now."

"Lorelai..." – Luke said as he lifted her head with his hands to look into her eyes. "...I could never hate you. I already told you...I love you." – Lorelai's heartbeat quickened and she felt like she could melt right there under his loving gaze.

"Luke, I. love. you. too." – She pronounced every word slowly with a huge smile on her face. Luke now understood how overwhelmed she must have felt when hearing those words. He bent down and captured her lips with his. Neither Luke nor Lorelai ever felt so complete like in that very moment. When they pulled away both had huge grins on their faces. Luke took her hand in his and led her wordlessly up to his apartment. There was no need to speak, 'cause they were together – at last.

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The End 


End file.
